ADOPTION AND LOSS

The separation that you have endured was the worst thing imaginable.

It was in no way your fault.

No one can ever put it right again.

But you yourself can work at understanding and coming to terms with it, and you will be a stronger and more caring person if you make the effort. Talk to a close friend, a support group, a therapist, or God if you believe in Him. Talking to someone sympathetic always helps, and so does having a good cry when you need to.

The separation of mothers and babies is sometimes unavoidable, and you have every right to feel sorry for yourself and for all others who have undergone such a tragic experience.

This poem is not about the separation of parents and children, but I include it because it expresses the pain of loss so well, and touches me so deeply.



Time does not bring relief

by

Edna St Vincent Millay


TIME does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, -- so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!

From Renascence and other poems, 1917


Edna’s father left home when she was seven years old. As an adult she had many affairs with men as well as women, and eventually she married a man who gave her love and support until he died - the year before she did. Nevertheless, loss and grief are the theme of many of her poems.