In the United States, the high percentage of serial killers who are adopted is vastly out of proportion with the number of adopted children in the population, and it’s the same for people who kill their parents. Researchers find many connections between adoption, anti-social behaviour, violence and the large numbers of adopted people (both children and adults) who need therapy and counselling. Details are available on the AmFOR website, so I refrain from giving examples here. (Oh well, Ian Brady [the Moors Murderer] for one, then, although his adoption was not official.)
I had thought that the rages, the hatred, and the isolation that I felt during my adolescent years were standard teenage “stuff ”, but now I am beginning to realise that they were adoption-related. They always seemed so way over the top.
As a Buddhist, I know the story of how the Buddha’s mother died quite suddenly when he was a tiny baby, and how he was brought up by his mother’s sister. Why did he become such a great man in spite of his traumatic loss? I wondered how many other great religious leaders had suffered early loss and what was the difference between them and the disturbed and violent victims we occasionally come across.
Many other great religious figures also seem to have survived some trauma of their early years, although not necessarily the loss or separation from a parent.
Could it be that an early loss, but where one continues in the care of one’s natural family, can lead to a kind of benign alienation that results in charismatic leadership qualities, concern for one’s neighbours, and eventually the development of love and compassion for the whole of humanity. But a devastating loss that involves early, complete and lasting separation from one’s natural family, and where nothing is known about one’s origins, can potentially lead to the sort of isolation that breeds hatred, rage, violence and even murder.
The conclusions to be drawn are fairly obvious: adoption should be outlawed except in the most extreme circumstances. Where it is necessary, then "open adoption" remains the only civilised possibility.
Muslim cultures have always followed this ideal: the Qur'an gives specific rules about the legal relationship between a child and his/her adoptive family. The child retains his or her family name (surname), the biological family is never hidden and ties to the child are never severed, and the Qur'an specifically reminds adoptive parents that they are not the child's biological parents.