The vast majority of people do not grow up longing for an adopted baby. They want their own child and often go to great lengths to try to overcome their infertility.
To pretend that adoption is not the second best choice is simply not true.
For the adopters, it is second best to having their own baby, although sometimes they might add to their natural family by adopting.
For the adoptee it is probably better than being brought up in care, but there simply is no substitute for one’s biological relatives.
The child’s natural mother (and perhaps the father too) usually ends up bitterly regretting the circumstances that made her give her baby away. You have only to look at the huge number of search and reunion websites on the internet, to see what terrible, lifelong distress can be caused by the separation of parents and children.
So let’s all stop pretending to ourselves, and stop lying to adopted children. Families "built" by adoption may be very good families indeed, but they are substitute families and should be openly acknowledged as such.
